FlossBlog

MF Doom

2009-04-04T14:05:00.001-07:00

MF Doom, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

Video Games 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-09-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't been posting for a while. Sorry. I've been playing Xbox 360. It is awesome.

I realized while thinking of new hip-hop 101 topics that maybe we're done with the intro class. If you've been following along the whole way, you're pretty well schooled in Basic Rap. From now on, hip-hop discussions will move on to advance topics where a basic understanding of the culture is a pre-requisite.

So what then, does this whipper-snapper still have to teach his elders? Where is the next generational gap that needs bridging? Videogames. Duh.

Just like when we started talking about I expect there to be some grumbling and stinkyfaces when I drop the V-bomb. As self-evidently awesome as videogames have been to me, basically my entire life, to many people born before 1965 they are just the most pointless, stupid, irritating little things.

I'm not sure what strategy I'm going to take in terms of designing the curriculum. I could do a survey of the history, or maybe wow you with the latest and greatest and try to work backwards. We'll see. But I do have a goal in mind. And my goal is this:

I want you to be more like Old Granny Hardcore

I want you to be able develop a critical vocabulary, be somewhat knowledgeable about the Great Games and the history of the industry, and I'd really like you to go out and play videogames and enjoy them.

Odds are you probably do play videogames right now, though you don't even think about it. It's called Freecell Solitaire.

Stereotype Update

2007-08-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

Proof that African-Americans are better at sports or good dancers. Not both. I believe the only exception to this rule is Prince but that doesn't count because he is an immortal being from another planet around whom I am currently developing a new religion that should be out sometime soon. Eat it, L. Ron!

Songs in my head

2007-07-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

Portland: the Movie

2007-06-30T14:49:00.001-07:00

2007-06-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

So the boys and I finally broke down and got cable TV. Got a ridiculously good deal from the guy who lives in our garage who decided to charge us just the extra ammount it cost to hook up our part of the house. 30 bucks a month between the 3 of us. No premium nothing but an absurd number of channels and OnDemand goodies the likes of which I've never seen. I'm still used to cable boxes that don't go above two digits. It took us a while to figure out that if you want to watch CNN you have to press 059. This is the first time since heading off to boarding school that I've had cable TV in my life. It is fucking awesome!

For years I've been a PBS watching, rabbit ear owning, broadcast TV purist. I like my music on vinyl and my TV to have a little fuzz in it. I like the localism of broadcast TV. There's something about adjusting your antenna to point at a building several miles away that's beaming the hometown sports team into your living room. I'm also still technically a film snob so it's nice to give the DVD collection a little advantage over the junk on TV. But as movies keep getting worse and TV keeps getting better/weirder, I can't resist any longer.

But even as I'm unabashedly excited about the prospect seeing what all the fuss is about and adding Stephen Colbert and Steven A. Smith and the Mooninites to my life, I am fully cognizant of the dangers that lie ahead. My TV is huge and HD. My couch is comfy and leatherish. When it comes to channel surfing I can be like Moondoggie from Gidget, laconically riding wave after wave all day long to the detriment of my social and economic prospects. Aside from the dangers of passivity, I foresee conflict on the horizon. After a summer of flipping past Baseball Tonight, the fall will come and with it, the National Basketball Association's 2007-2008 season.

It would be nice if I lived in a house with people who know what it means to get the Basketball Jones but alas I do not. Back at home, the bleatings and whinings of little siblings could be tuned out with ease. With roommates who are unrelated, strong-willed and casually violent, I'll be lucky if I win as many battles over the remote as I lose. It has the potential to make for some epic confrontations. Stay tuned.

These Magic Moments

2007-06-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

You will indulge me here while I explain the backstory here. The Blazers have finished the regular season with the 6th worst record in the league. They actually tied the Minnesota Timberwolves and a coin flip determined how they would divy up the ping pong balls for the lotto. The NBA draft lottery is just like the PA state lotto with the ping pong balls and the pneumatic tubey things. There are a certain number of number combinations and they are divided amongst the teams in the lottery weighted by how bad your record is. They do all the balls and numbers stuff in a secret room and then have a show on ESPN where they announce the picks with Oscar-style envelopes. Boston and Memphis had the worst records so they had the best chances of getting the first pick. Portland had a 5 percent chance of getting the first pick. The worst we could do is drop from 6th place down to 9th place. So in this clip, you'll see all the important envelopes and the reaction of the crowd at the official blazers draft lotto party. When the 6th pick (our natural pick going by our regular season record) you hear Mike Barrett say "this is the one." That's because if the Blazers don't get the 6th pick, it means they've moved up into the top 3. When the final envelope is pulled and it is revealed that the Portland Trailblazers will get the first pick in the most hyped draft in years you will see a reaction that can only be described as pure transcendent ecstasy. Enjoy:

Exactly why I can't stand people from Boston

2007-05-26T12:25:00.000-07:00

From TrueHoop comments on Draft Lottery night:

"I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYBODY THAT NO ONE ON EARTH GIVES A FLYING #### ABOUT PORTLAND OR SEATTLE. why could oden or durant go to interesting teams? i mean PORTLAND?!!? theyll all convicts. travis outlaw starts. how much worse can it get? thi couldve been a great day for the nba if oden and durant went to good markets, like say, BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but nope. theyre doomed to boring #### teams in the pacific northwest. #### no one cares about portland. wow. tonight was the worst case scenario. god this is so #### ga y."

Iwo Jima

2007-05-25T15:17:00.001-07:00

Iwo Jima, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

Have a good Memorial Day weekend. I'll be back on Tuesday.

Morrissey

2007-05-24T15:21:00.001-07:00

Morrissey, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

Update

2007-05-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

"The Trail Blazers overcame improbable odds Tuesday at the NBA draft lottery in Secaucus, N.J., and landed the No. 1 pick. With "good luck charm" and franchise centerpiece Brandon Roy representing the team, Portland landed the right to select either of the most coveted prospects to enter the draft in years.
'There is a God,' Blazers coach Nate McMillan said. 'The excitement continues for this organization.'"

I would like to just say that my suspicions that the Blazers winning the draft lottery was a religious experience for me have been confirmed and as such I would like to renounce my past 26 years of atheism and announce to everybody that I now believe in God. Nate McMillan does not lie.

Winning the Lottery

2007-05-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a strange 24 hours since this went down. I still can't wrap my head around it. By winning the NBA draft lottery in what has been hyped as the greatest draft year in a generation, the Portland Trailblazers suddenly matter. People besides freaks like me are actually going care about what goes down in the city of Portland, OR. Blazers might even be on actual national TV. ABC even! Why the hell not?

Ridin' that train

2007-04-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

Had a great subway ride this morning. The conductor would spice up the usual rote announcements about all the things you can't do on the train (can't drink, can't smoke...what can you do?) with the sort of patter you would expect from a morning DJ on a soul station from 1972. He told us all how good we looked this morning and how much he liked to see us smile. He mentioned how luck we were to be riding the "express to success" that day and wished us all well at our jobs downtown. It was like being driven to work by Samuel L. Jackson's Mister Senòr Love Daddy character from Do The Right Thing.

Monolith

2007-04-10T15:36:00.001-07:00

Monolith, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-04-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

De La Soul explain themselves:

Idolatry

2007-04-02T14:19:00.001-07:00

Phew

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-03-29T16:28:00.000-07:00

Why do I engage in this sysyphusian exercise of attempting to drop knowledge on the baby boom generation?

So shit like this never happens again:

Not. Fucking. Funny.

Looks like I need to step my game up.

Here are some Black Republicans to get the taste out your mouth:

Television for Women

2007-03-27T17:24:00.001-07:00

Idolatry

2007-03-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

Things are getting out of hand...

(hat tip Blogtown)

Litter Lit

2007-03-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

I was walking home from my bus stop when I found a little flash drive on the ground. 128MB. Guess what was on it! A bunch of bullshit office nonsense. I was disappointed. Then I dug in a few folders and found what I was looking for: a screenplay! That's right! The streets of Hollywood are literally littered with bad scripts.

This one apparently stars David Duchovny and it is BAD. In the first two pages a nun offers a guy a blowjob.

Freedom Fighter

2007-03-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Free Joseph Frederick!

The iRack

2007-03-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

Growing up Grunge

2007-03-17T12:10:00.001-07:00

Tim

2007-03-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

-Gary Meister

Very Short Movie Reviews

2007-03-11T00:58:00.000-08:00

No, the movie is not as good as the trailer. Too long, too dumb and too repetitive. All the acting sucked. There are several shots and sequences that make it not a total waste of time and money. Unfortunately you kinda have to see them on a huge screen to get the effect so there's no point in waiting for the DVD.

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-03-09T21:37:00.000-08:00

I've talked alot about the sexual and racial issues in rap music but I realized there's so much more ground to cover. For example I don't think I've even talked about violence, specifically gun violence. You know, shooting people and what not. Hip Hop's birth in the gang-ridden, post-Panthers, South Bronx meant that guns and murder was etched (for better or for worse) into it's aesthetic DNA from the beginning. Even in the old school which is often romanticized as being party centric and fun loving, the guns were there:

KRS-One probably regrets the fact that he made gun play so important to MC credibility, but he definitely played his part. The line from this...

to this...

...is pretty straight and direct with bodies of Tupac and Biggie between them. In the mix, the source material was forgotten:

And though KRS tried desperately to atone for it...

... it was too late. Guns and rappers are linked inextricably and no ammount of "positive" or "conscious" rapping is going to change that fact.

Here are two newish rap videos about guns that have interesting takes on the classic gunrap imagery. First there's El-P's Deep Space 9mm where the gun becomes a metaphor for agression, opression and the interpersonal violence we all do to each other on a daily basis:

And now here's the exact opposite take on the gun image. Gun for gun's sake. The pure joy of bang bang bang. Here's the Clipse havin' fun at the shooting gallery:

Worst Blog Ever

2007-03-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

Unless he's going to be posting intimate details about why he sucks so much, I have no interest in anything Curt Schilling has to say. Don't click that link, it'll only encourage him.

Very Short Movie Reviews

2007-03-05T12:06:00.000-08:00

"Jake digs through the files while RDjr looks on."

Went and saw David Fincher's new movie, Zodiac. It is very long and most of the dramatic action is about Jake Gyllenhall doing research. In fact, the whole movie is very much like reading this wikipedia article. Meanwhile this speculative list of Zodiac theories is much more interesting than anything that appears in the movie. Shame.

Friday Cat Blogging

2007-03-02T15:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am sorry...

2007-03-02T15:20:00.001-08:00

...Bang, bang, bang, no I'm not!

Black History Month

2007-02-27T12:01:00.000-08:00

The Murder of Fred Hampton:

Oscar the Grouch

2007-02-23T12:45:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year again. How do I know? Cuz the fucking Academy Awards are fucking with my public transportation. I know you goobers who don't live in Los Angeles think the Oscars are given out at the ballroom of some amazing castle on an island that you can only get to by plane or boat (papparazzi have to swim!). Sadly, that is not the case. In fact the Oscars happen right outside the Hollywood BLVD/Highland AVE subway station across the street from a pizza joint and a tattoo parlor. And for days now the whole fucking street has been taken over to build tents and risers and red carpetry bullshit. My poor little bus wants to zip down Hollywood, hang a louie on Fairfax and zip me home. Instead my bus gets diverted down Highland, sludges through Sunset, and crawls back up to Hollywood before things get back on track. What was a 20 minute leg of 40 minute commute has turned into the 40 minute leg of an hour commute. So to compensate I now get off at Santa Monica and Vermont and take the straightshot all the way down Santa Monica.

Bottom line: I have to spend more time with poor people than I should.

Damn you liberal Hollywood elites!

But you're not here to listen to me bitch about traffic, you're here to hear me bitch about movies. Well let's get to the bitchin':

I was gonna save it for last, but fuck that. Let's get this over with. Little Miss Sunshine is a terrible fucking movie. It represents the Fully Monty-fication of the American indie-flick movement. It should never have been written, should never have been greenlit, should never have gotten into Sundance, should never have gotten a distributor and all those millions of people who made it a "surprise hit" should never have gone to see it. I got in a few scraps last year over Napoleon Dynamite which I enjoyed and defended from haters. But now that I've seen Nappy D remade the very next year as a cute girl with an entire bus of Quirkbots surrounding her, I get it. Napoleon Dynamite sucked too. If that's what it takes so that this kind of Ironic-Dance-Number-At-The-End shit never sullies the silver screen again, I'm willing to sacrifice the gangly geek who started it all. No more, you fucking hear me Robert Redford? Harvey Wienstein? No fucking more. We're done. Let's pretend it never happened and just move on.

That said, I kind of hope Lil' Missy wins Best Picture just to see Martin Scorcese cry. Sorry, dude, but The Departed was really not very interesting. It was kinda fun and great cast, yadda yadda, but seriously. Not a big deal. Seriously, microprocessors? To the Chinese? I know I wasn't supposed to be paying attention to that part but couldn't you have come up with something better than that?

The Last King of Scotland should have been called I Fucked Your Bitch You Fat Motherfucker

Dreamgirls shouldn't be allowed to say it got nominated for 8 academy awards when 3 of them are all for best song. Nominated for 8 awards means theoretically they can walk away with 8 statues. Sorry, but 2 of those noms are guaranteed losers.

I get the feeling Ryan Gosling has already recieved his award in the form of a nomination. Same thing happened to Maria Fullofgrace a few years ago.
Lesson: The Academy is full of self-hating cokeheads.

Borat better win Best Adapted Screenplay. Little Children should lose because it was barely an adaptation with its extended narrator voice overs. Borat was movie, Little Children was a book report.
If Eddie Murphy gets snubbed because of the ubiquity of his Norbit ads, I bet nobody's gonna give me the credit I deserve! Eddie, my man, I feel your pain. Let me buy you a drink and you can introduce me to your brother Charlie, cuz that dude is hilarious!

April 12th

2007-02-22T13:55:00.000-08:00

Mark that date in your calendar because Thursday, April 12th is the next "Friday the 13th Eve". Consider yourself warned:

*

*That's my homey Freeland on bass

Friday Cat Blogging

2007-02-16T16:05:00.001-08:00

Queequeg, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

Biters

2007-02-16T14:20:00.000-08:00

Sonya catches current rap superstar MIMS* jackin' old hits from the 80's

*nevaheardahim

Al

2007-02-14T12:29:00.000-08:00

Black History Month

2007-02-12T19:32:00.000-08:00

Brother Malcolm

"If you're interested in freedom, you need some Judo, you need some Karate..."

Portrait of the Artist as a Young C.E.O.

2007-02-09T22:57:00.000-08:00

The Jigga Man ten years ago:

Bummer

2007-02-09T16:29:00.000-08:00

Too much death! First Anna Nicole and now this...

Thursday Chomsky Blogging

2007-02-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

Final installment.

Friday Cat Blogging

2007-02-02T15:34:00.001-08:00

Queequeg, originally uploaded by etchasketchist.

im on your couch zappin' you with my lazer eyes

Black History Month

2007-02-01T20:03:00.000-08:00

I'll try not to get too carried away with Black History Month, but it is one of my favorite months. I wish all twelve months had a different history attached. History's great. People tend to forget a lot of stuff in this country. They need refreshers.

I'll try to go chronicologically through the twentieth century starting with some Paul Robeson.

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-02-01T11:47:00.000-08:00

Never forget that the hip-hop you see on the TV and hear on the radio is the hip-hop that has been pre-approved for you by huge multinational corporations. Despite the materialism and misogyny that is displayed in the vast majority of rap videos, there is a long tradition of left-wing, Malcolm X and Karl Marx inspired hip-hop whose purpose is the education and radicalization of the urban underclass. In fact I would argue that, just like jazz and rock and roll before it, much of hip-hop's popular image as decadent, amoral, and materialistic is a propagandistic myth designed to dillute the culture's radical political message.

UPDATE: Sonya has a fun saga about her time with the Coup on her Post-It Comix blog.

Thursday Chomsky Blogging

2007-02-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

Terrorist Videos!

2007-01-31T16:43:00.000-08:00

Look out Boston! Here come the Mooninites!

Versus!

2007-01-31T12:16:00.000-08:00

It's time for another showdown!

Notorious:

VS.

Notorious B.I.G.

Ministry of Funky Walks

2007-01-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

Thursday Chomsky Blogging

2007-01-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

Apologies to the Dutch flossblog readers who won't be able to read the Foucault subtitles.

Astrologic

2007-01-23T12:08:00.000-08:00

Shorter Vanity Fair article on the USA's astrological outlook for the near future:

Roll Call

2007-01-18T13:37:00.001-08:00

Roll Call, originally uploaded by Sonya422.

I did a little guest spot on Sonya's Post-it Comix project. This is my "Bush Administration Roll Call".

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-01-17T15:28:00.000-08:00

It's Ladies Night!

The last session on Too $hort offended more than a few of the females in the class. So as promised, today we will be looking at pro-female rap songs. First let's let the ladies speak for themselves. Here are two of the greatest MC's of all time, regardless of gender, Roxanne Shanté and MC Lyte.

And now let's listen to some proud black men talk about how much they love women.

Old School De La Soul:

Tupac:

New School De La Soul:

Next time we'll get the progressive politics out of our system with a look at left-wing socialist and Black Nationalist rappers. Then we'll get back to straight musicology with a listen to the Greatest Producer of All Time, DJ Premier.

Spanish Chocolate

2007-01-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

Introducing Sergio Rodriguez, rookie point guard for the Blazers:

New Blog

2007-01-15T20:41:00.000-08:00

For your consideration...

The Etch-a-sketchist

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

2007-01-15T10:43:00.000-08:00

Idolatry

2007-01-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

Something tells me this season of Idol is going to be the bestest ever!

The Science of Sleep

2007-01-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Townes Van Zandt explains dream creativity:

Ministry of Funky Walks

2007-01-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

Etchification

2007-01-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

Mumfights!

2007-01-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

Did you hear? Angelina Jolie totally flipped her shit on Madge! Totally accused her of baby thieving! I wouldn't dare tell Madonna how to respond to these horrible, nasty and 100% accurate accusations but I will suggest two possible responses:

Kick her in the crotch

Remind everybody that Angelina is so heartless, she doesn't even love her own biological children because they weren't lucky enough to be born into war-torn famine and get rescued by a famous Hollywood super-star.

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2007-01-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

Let's take a look at one of the essential Flows You Must Know. East Oakland's Too $hort has been making raunchy gangster rap since the early 80's. He and Ice-T were key figures in the first wave of West Coast rappers before Ice Cube, Dr. Dre and the rest of N.W.A.. Too $hort's body of work is almost parodically prolific. He retired and comeback several times now and rarely does the Earth travel completely around the Sun without a Too $hort album dropping. His subject matter rarely veers far from pimping, ho-related issues, and the incredible dopeness of Too $hort himself. He's known for going above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to describing the physiological processes involved in various forms of intercourse. Many young, impressionable teenagers have been exposed to any number of exotic sexual behaviors for the first time by listening to Too $hort tapes stolen from older brothers.

His flow is what I would call prototypically gangster. It's got a sing-songy funky lilt to it but stays pretty deadpan as far as emotional expression. He's perfected a laid back conversational style with simple rhyme patterns and punch-liney phrasing. It's proven to be remarkably durable and has stayed pretty consistant while the music backing it up went from old school hard core beats to George Clinton sampling "G-funk" to the newest Bay Area sound, "Hyphy".

Without further ado, ladies and gentleman, $horty the Pimp, Too $hort:

I Want My MTV Back

2007-01-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

The kid's these days will never understand how dope it used to be:

Ministry of Funky Walks

2007-01-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

Friday Cat Blogging

2007-01-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

Studio Sucky

2007-01-04T10:54:00.000-08:00

Studio 60 is mercifully on hiatus. So instead let's enjoy the surprisingly good spoof from Mad TV.

Hip Hop 101 For Baby Boomers

2006-12-31T23:18:00.000-08:00

New Year, New Look. Gold baby? What, it hurts your eyes? Am I shinin' too bright? Deal with it.

Okay. I think you've been schooled enough in old skoolism and new skoolism. It's time to let you have some avant-garde artsy shit. I kept this from you intentionally because I didn't want you to get all goo-goo-ga-ga over some offbeatness without having a firm foundation in the fundamentals of dopeness. So here's some obscure fancy pants rap music for the New Year. This is that off the wall shit you always wished hip-hop would be instead of cars, money and strippers. But before we get into the progressive, weirdo stash, let us take a moment to remind ourselves that cars, money and strippers are dope things which deserve praise and celebration in song. If you like any of this stuff and want to buy it in a record store, please, for the love all that is hip-hop, buy a Young Jeezy record too. And please don't go telling all your friends that you've discovered this stuff and thinks it's amazing and better than all that crappy rap you hear on the radio. You will sound like a jerk. Repeat after me, "I mean, it's aiight. Some of the tracks are cool but it's not really my thing."

Okay then. Without further ado. A sampler:

Old school Lootpack. Madlib aka Quasimoto and Wildchild.

Latyrx. Lyrics Born and Lateef the Truthspeaker

Awol One "rapping?" over the freejazz beats of Daddy Kev

Spank Rock with a tribute to Beastie Boys/LL Cool J/Johnny Cash/Jay-Z/Dixie Chicks super-producer, Rick Rubin:

Bummer

2006-12-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

The ultimate bummer. The Godfather has passed.

The flossblog will now go into mourning for the next week.

I'm pretty sure this is what heaven looks like right now:

Nice Obit from Slate. Although Mother Popcorn is not the funkiest song of all time. The funkiest song of all time is Blow Your Head off the JB's "Damn Right I Am Somebody". It's so funky it stinks up your room for weeks.

Some good news.

Versus!

2006-12-24T00:26:00.000-08:00

Seattle horror/punk band, The Schoolyard Heroes

vs. New York emo/rap band The Gym Class Heroes.

Who is more heroic?

The correct answer is:

Enrique Iglesias

New John Edwards

2006-12-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

Q. I think I really like this video. Does that make me a sucker?

New U2

2006-12-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

Q. I absolutely hate this video. Does that make me an asshole?

Versus!

2006-12-20T17:54:00.001-08:00

What I Do

2006-12-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

Watch this weird Captain Morgan's ad:

Did you see that pizza delivery car? It was just an few shots, so you might have to go back to catch it. Do you see that giant pepperoni slice on top of the car? That slice of pizza is in my office right now and pretty soon I'm going to take it to a shipping company and find out how much it costs to ship it to Canada! This is what I do.

Update: And the answer is $350!

Dream Journal

2006-12-20T10:08:00.000-08:00

I once had this crazy dream where I was in Japan. Or rather, I was an actual Japanese person who spoke fluent Japanese and couldn't speak any English. And I was a TV personality. I wore nice suits and had slicked back hair and dark sunglasses. And I would interview famous American people with the help of a translator. In this dream, I was taping an interview with legendary jazz trumpeter and band leader, Miles Davis and he was wearing dark sunglasses too. And the whole time I was trying to do the interview, Miles was drawing this lovely little abstract line drawing with markers. I was very nervous the whole time and kept asking long nonsensical questions but Miles was very nice and tried his best to put me at ease. He even gave me the drawing he was making as a present.

The other day I found this dream of mine on YouTube:

Movie Talk

2006-12-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

Errol Morris and Donald Trump discuss Citizen Kane

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2006-12-18T22:06:00.000-08:00

"Make Way For the S-O-V..."

Before I left Portland, Alison could not get the song Love Me Or Hate Me out of her head. While waiting for my U-Haul to be fixed, I bought her album (on sale for $11) at a Sam Goody in the Clackamas Town Center. I tried to listen to it on the way down but the cheapo headphones I bought to play it with were not up to the task of drowning out a U-Haul cruising down I-5. So let's take a listen now, why don't we:

Frankly, I don't love her or hate her. I'm going with my home boy at the top of this post. She's aiight. She avoids certain wack-traps and has a distinctive style which isn't all that unpleasant, but I don't know, she just doesn't seem necesary. Maybe I'm just still upset because I actually bought Princess Superstar's album:

I know, embarassing, right? But there was a time not so many years ago, that Princess was the Feminem. Like Lady Sov, Princess had a song about how she's not like Eminem or better than Eminem, I don't remember because it sucked so bad. Since that record, white female rappers have really had to bring the realness in order to get my attention.

What I like about Sovereign is that instead of just being white, punchliney, and female, she avoids the Feminem label by being British t'boot. The Americans have definitely come calling though. She's been picked up by Jay-Z and Def Jam and aparently they tried to hook her up with Pharell and the Neptunes but she wasn't having it. She's sticking to her English producers (some bloke called Medasyn) and the Garage sound she grew up with. The most compelling songs on her album are songs about England (My England) or English topics (Hoodie). I'm not even really sure what she's doing can be filed under "hip-hop". And I don't think she's sure either:

She says her next album is going to blow people away and I'm curious to hear it. But mild curiousity is really all I can muster for the biggest midget in the game.

Vote For Me

2006-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

Lanny and I made a commercial for Sony on Current TV. If we win the contest we get a cool $1000 bucks. Register (it's quick and painless) and "Greenlight" us and leave comments along the lines of "This one's definitely the winner" or "This should totally be on TV". Here's the ad:

Happy Holidays

2006-12-17T20:05:00.001-08:00

My gift to you all:

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2006-12-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

Ladies and gentleman, Eric B. & Rakim:

Here we have the birth of the New School. Hip Hop began around 1977 and after 10 years it had stylistically evolved to the point where there was a clear break between an older generation and the new. The defining hallmarks of the new school are technological innovations in beat making with samplers and drum machines, a new emphasis on album and music video making as opposed to 12" singles, and a shift away from the party-and-bullshit subject matter of the old school. No rapper epitomizes the stylistic innovations of the new school (aka the Golden Age) like Rakim. His flow is serious, complicated, non-nonsense and dense. He enunciates his carefully written rhymes clearly to give them more gravitas while maintaining a coversational, yet confrontational tone. While rappers like KRS-One or Tupac were more thematically grandiose and ambitions and rappers like Notorious B.I.G. and Jay-Z were more lyrical and popular, Rakim still tops most charts of "Greatest Rapper of All Time" for his intensity and craftsmanship. A true MC's MC.

Person of the Year

2006-12-16T22:47:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to me. Apparently I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year. According to managing editor Richard Stegel, the Person of the Year, is the "person or persons who for better or for worse have most influenced the news during the past year". Since I created content on the internet this year, I qualify. Well let me tell you something, Time Magazine, you're not pinning this shit year on me. Give it to Bush. Give it to Rumsfeld. Give it to Muqtada Al-Sadr or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I'm just blogging about dope shoes and racist comedians and other nonsense and minutiae. I don't need this pressure. What happens next year when (inevitably) you don't pick me to be Person of the Year again? I'll be crushed. Well screw you, Time Magazine. Newsweek's better anyway.

Advanced Basketball Physics

2006-12-16T12:55:00.000-08:00

The LA Clippers went to the Rose Garden last night which meant I finally got to listen to a Blazers game on the radio for free. Man what a great game. They finally put together the sustained, four quarter, all cylinder effort that I knew they were capable. Previous Blazer wins were fun for the drama created by their deficiencies. Whether it was scrapping back from huge early deficits or allowing large leads to erode in crunch time, the Blazers always made you sweat in the fourth quarter. But last night they weren't the luckier team, they were just plain the better team. And the Clippers announcer sounded really bummed that the team that went deep in the playoffs last year got so thoroughly bested by the team was deep in the cellar a year ago. I'm not gonna predict that the Blazers make the playoffs this year but this game was clearly and indication that the turn around has begun and it's only gonna get better as these young guys grow up together.

But let us now focus on some of the advanced concepts in basketball physics that lead to last night's win. Specifically, let us examine the play of Zach Randolph.

Zach Randolph has made a reputation in his half-decade in the League as a text book example of a basketball "black hole". His gravitational effect on the ball is greater than any other player on the team. Throw the ball into him and it will disappear, never to be seen again until it emerges, miraculously from the worm hole known as the basket. For the most part Zach needs teammates only to pass him the ball and attempt to distract opposing defenders from quintuple teaming him. If he misses, Zach is more than capable at getting his own rebound and trying it all over again. The usual result is that Zach produces astronomical statistical data for himself (25 points and 10 rebounds per game) while the rest of the team just sort of stands around waiting to lose.

But now, this year, it appears Zach has learned that black hole's can not just siphon energy from neighboring stars, they can also emit it!

Zach has learned to pass! Last night he had 5 assists, almost three times his season average. Since Zach's incredible density gives him so much gravitational pull on the court, multiple defenders are inevitably drawn to him, leaving teammates open for shots that in past years, Zach would probably have taken himself. Observe:

Freedom Is A Road Seldom Traveled By The Multitudes

2006-12-15T19:34:00.000-08:00

Foreshadowing

2006-12-15T16:03:00.000-08:00

Danny Hoch warned us all about KKKramer, but we didn't listen untill it was too late. Just kept buying DVD's and lauging our collective asses off cuz the dude opened a door funny:

Michel Gondry's greatest film

2006-12-15T10:14:00.000-08:00

To be honest, I thought the Science of Sleep was kind of dumb and boring.

Chapelle's Block Party was lots of fun, but a bit bougie for my rapmovie tastes.

And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was just a sappy rom-com version of Total Recall without the three-titted mutant spacewhores.

In other words, I thought Michel Gondry was an overhyped, moderately talented music video director who tricked a bunch of hipster Americans into think he was the shit.

I was wrong.

Here is the film which to me says all you need to know about Michel Gondry's talent as a director. It's a very simple short film but the genius is all there on display:

All I Want For Christmas...

2006-12-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

...for my two front feet!

I'm a size 11:

Woody Vs. Billy

2006-12-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2006-12-06T19:22:00.001-08:00

Robert Christgau, ex-Village Voice rock critic, celebrates his recent firing by getting Crunk on NPR.

The Boys Are Back In Town

2006-12-06T13:06:00.000-08:00

The records and I made it down the I-5 in one piece. Or rather about 1,201 individual pieces. If you want to come by some time and play with them (or me), and you're in the Hollywood area, please hit me up.

Brit Twits

2006-12-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

Anglophiliac, Gwyneth Paltrow says, "The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans"

To which I say, nuh-uh!

The Power of Nightmares

2006-11-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

I accidentally found Part 1 of this amazing BBC documentary as a bonus disc in a McSweeney's DVD compilation. I found the whole thing online here. I haven't watched parts 2 or 3 yet but if they're as good as part 1 than this is the best political documentary I've seen in this Bush-era golden age of political documentaries we're currently living through.

Bummer

2006-11-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Robert Altman

To help us understand the enormity of this loss, let us all enjoy his 1970 film Brewster McCloud starring Bud Cort:

KKKramer

2006-11-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

Uh...Ok.

UPDATE:

Oh, never mind. He went on the funny white-guy's show with his funny white guy friend and said he was sorry and needs to do personal work. He's not a racist. He said so. He even mentioned Hurricane Katrina!

What a fucking creep.

Movin' In

2006-11-16T03:36:00.000-08:00

Studio Sucky

2006-11-15T10:29:00.000-08:00

It lives! And it sucks even worse! This week's moment-of-ultimate-sucktitude can be found, conveniently, at the very beginning of part 4 of the online re-webcast of Monday's show. As always it's very very difficult to pick the absolute worst moment of a Studio 60 episode but this one makes it easy by being both racially offensive, unfunny and boring at the same time. But really, as fun and easy as it is to pick out egregiously bad scenes from this episode or that episode, I don't want to discourage you from experiencing the bigger picture. The whole thing is like a Bad TV fractal. Zoom in on individual lines or even pauses and facial expressions and they make you gag. Blarg! Zoom out to whole scenes, episodes, the entire series and see the grand grotesque horror of it all and you're throwing up all over yourself, blood's coming out of you're ears and you're frantically looking for pencils with which to gouge out your eyeballs. When the DVD comes out, buy it and give it away at holiday times to your worst enemies.

Congratulations

2006-11-11T00:04:00.000-08:00

Zach Randolph is the best player in the NBA so far.

Hip Hop 101 for Baby Boomers

2006-11-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

I've long been a Jay-Z defender. Most rap snobs I know pooh-pooh his commercial success and artistic devolution. He readily admits he slowed down and simplified his flow to sell more records. But you've got to admire the dada genius of a man who can make a collosal summer jam who's hook goes: "H to the Izzo V to the Izzay".

Just as DuChamp cryptically called out the Mona Lisa (and by association the entire history of Western art) a whore, Jay-Z spelled out the fact that he is Jay-H.O.V.A, mutherfucking God himself, and all the frat boys trying to hump sorority chicks on the dance floor thought it was just gibberish. Little did they know their entire theological worldview was being subverted to a Kanye West beat.

The Jigga Man's relationship with the frat boys has been a little spotty since then. His collabo with Linkin Park was, in my mind, unforgiveable. If he's the "Mike Jordan of recording" this was definitely the musical equivalent of Jordan's stint in the minors with the White Sox. Watch this one till the end. The lameness gets exponential:

More inspired was his cameo with Phish:

But this latest comeback video and the crap Budweiser Select commercials that go with it is pushing the envelope too far. It's as if Jay-Z wants us all to know that he doesn't hang out with black people any more. Reaching out to the emopop dorks and the hippies was inspired because it felt natural and big-tenty. But NASCAR drivers? Give me a fucking break. I know rappers like their cars but c'mon. Rappers like cars that go slow. Cars that bounce. Whips you can ghost ride. Rappers like old cars from the 70's and giant SUVs. And for crying out loud rappers drive their own damn cars. They do not hire Dale Earnhardt Jr. to chauffeur them around Europe. Ah well. What you want him to do? He's sorry...

Movin' Out

2006-11-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

In case you hadn't heard:

30 Rocks!

2006-11-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

Having dissed the over-hyped big-budget dream team one-hour behind the scenes dramedic look at TV sketch comedy shows I thought I should give the other one a looksee. Turns out it's not half-bad. Tina Fey, who's SNL work never blew my hair back is really made for sitcommery. It's a quality show. Tracy "I'm-Brian-FELL-owes" Morgan is well cast as is Alec Baldwin. Alec's gotten nice and fat and old and is just right for a TV show. And he found the perfect fit for himself. I imagine the poor lug has to read a bunch of scripts that were written for Jim "the untalented, still-living" Belushi or Tim Allen. I'm glad he waited for this one. The only person who could possibly play the role any better would be Donald Trump. Aaron Sorkin should turn off C-SPAN, eat some mushrooms, and watch 30 Rock to see what fun TV looks like.

Generation Wars

2006-10-27T12:32:00.000-07:00

Who's awesomer? The Boomers or the Gen Xers.

Only one way to find out:

Let's battle!

Y'know what? I'm so confident, I'll battle you on your own turf: Lavish, Broadway-style choreographed production numbers.

In this corner, may I present The Baby Boomers. Twyla Tharp, Bob Dylan and the Ladies from the View:

And in this corner, we have Generation X represented by Three-Six-Mafia:

Ding ding ding. It's over folks. First round TKO. Parents suck. Kids rule.

Studio Sucky

2006-10-25T22:15:00.000-07:00

I had this huge, convoluted post about exactly why Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip sucks but Safari crashed before I could publish. Afterwards I found this post which does a much better job than I could do. And now it looks like I don't have to do my bit to kill this show. It's pretty much dead already. I would like to add a link to last Monday's episode, the Wrap Party which you can watch online for a few more days. I think part three contains the scene where any last bit of hope that this series can be salvaged evaporates. But there's tons of bad TV packed into this little episode so enjoy every pretentious, obnoxious, dull minute. And next time you say to yourself, "I wish there were more smart, well-written TV shows that respected my intelligence" think of this show. Then think back to Married With Children and The A-Team and remind yourself what TV is for.

Phew

2006-10-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

The only thing worse than getting old is getting old and developing Alzheimer's disease. On my list of Shitty Ways To Die, it's near the top. Wasting away, getting stupider and more demented by the day, losing your memories and your bonds to loved ones. Oy. No thanks. Hit me with a bus, please. Well good news! Looks like I won't have to worry about that anymore. Yeah, bitches, I told y'all it was medicinal!

Fellatio Films

2006-10-19T19:14:00.000-07:00

No it's not high class Itallian porn. It's Improv Comedy! If you download the fancy Dovetail program you can get the full 1.2GB movie in which I'm told I make an appearance. Mine's still downloading so I don't know if I suck or not yet. My guess is I'll probably suck. But hey, check out that Katie Bruens in this first part. She does not suck. But she was the driving force behind this collaborative improvisational effort. So if I suck, it's ultimately her fault.