Scientific Fact
I'm not trying to imply anything at all with this post, but I would like to bring special attention, especially from my younger brother, Max, to the fact that science has now proven through complex statistical analysis what I had long suspected in my gut: Max is more likely to be gay. I'm not saying he is, I'm not saying he isn't. I'm just saying that science says he probably more likely is. Gay.
Now I know exactly what Max, and any one else who knows my family's sordid past, is thinking right now: "but Elliot and I are only half brothers. Therefore, I'm only more likely to be half-gay." Not so Lil' Bro. That's where science has you pegged. The money quote:
...his study showed that the amount of time reared with older brothers--either related or not--did not predict a young boy's becoming homosexual. And surprisingly, Bogaert discovered that even if a young man did not grow up in the same house as his older brothers, the fact that he had older biological brothers increased his odds of being gay. [Emphasis added]
Now I know exactly what Max, and any one else who knows my family's sordid past, is thinking right now: "but Elliot and I are only half brothers. Therefore, I'm only more likely to be half-gay." Not so Lil' Bro. That's where science has you pegged. The money quote:
...his study showed that the amount of time reared with older brothers--either related or not--did not predict a young boy's becoming homosexual. And surprisingly, Bogaert discovered that even if a young man did not grow up in the same house as his older brothers, the fact that he had older biological brothers increased his odds of being gay. [Emphasis added]
posted by E at 11:32 PM
3 Comments:
Let's see...possible things that might contribute to the possibility of my being a homosexual:
having an older brother...who was a theater major at a school where girls don't shave their legs.
having an older brother...who once abused me by "introducing me to his crotch," a rather euphemistic description for a good old face-humping
having an older brother...who used to go to nerd camp and play with Magic cards
having an older brother...who is in love with Prince.
But I'm not really about pointing fingers. All I know is that when I come out of the closet, I hope my brother will support me with free tickets to his next vaudeville show.
although i enjoyed your post, max, i would like to point out that it's really mom's fault for already having had elliot before you were born than it is elliot's fault for being your older brother. for that matter, it's really doug's fault, as it was his y-chrom that made you a boy and not a girl. or is ted at fault with his y-chrom that created elliot before you had the chance to be born? wherever the fault lies, be comforted by the fact that i was a girl, thus your odds were only slightly increased.
I don't think I appreciate the homophobic tone of your comments, Max. I'm just passing on an interesting tid bit of news from the cutting edge of genetic research. There's no need to get so personal.
First of all, not all the girls had hairy legs at Reed. Those who shaved, I totally had tons of sex with.
Secondly, everyone knows that theater is the best major for slacking off and hooking up with slutty arty girls. Which I did, like, all the time.
Max, I don't think you want me to start listing off your life's history of fruity behavior in public. If Magic cards are the best you can come up with, I'd quit now.
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